Pray That You Don't Get this Letter at Work...

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Management

PS
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience



Blogger DAVID PAKTER said...

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Fidgety Gets It Right, 4 STARS ****
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So well written I was inclined to forward this piece to some friends with the following "Caution notice"
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WARNING: Contains Language that may offend people who have never worked for Joel Klein, Esq.'s New York City Dept of Education, a 19 Billion dollar conglomerate that has treated NYC teachers, its own employees, so obscenely for so long that mere four letter words are the least of their problems.
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February 5, 2009 8:35 PM

Blogger JUSTICE not "just us" said...
Can I use this one on my blog?
I LOVE IT!!
Also can you let me read your blog?

I am an ally.

February 6, 2009 2:49 AM


Dear Justice, My blog is set for anyone to read. I believe that you must be logged in though.
Sincerely, Fidgety